Up Rodney, Up!

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Up! Rodney. Up!!
You 42 carat plonker! What are you trying to be? Some kind off Kami-khaki pilot !

That weren’t my fault, Del.

What you mean, it weren’t your fault. If I hadn’t got that plane flying on a buddy lead, Rodney – you’d have smashed it, by now, into a million, billion smithereens – and probably caused some considerable damage!

Del, there was no way I could put any more up in than that. Not without completely bending the control stick !

That Rodney – that was giving it the control for full down! You Wally!
No wonder it was coming down faster than one of them ‘Scooter Dive Bombers’!

They was called Stuckas, Del.

Yeah, whatever. You was still flying it like a ‘brick off a shovel’.
Here, come on, move out the way, so I can see to land. Then we’s gonna find exactly why it is, that your brain’s gone inverted and thinks it’s flying about like some ‘down under, demented, Australian Billa-Gong’!……….
Now, here she comes…… Lovely Jubbly……. nicely down.
Back on good old ‘Terra-cotta’ – and in one piece. No thanks to you, I might add.

But, Del – you never told me nothing about the controls.

Well, go on then, you tell me. When you was at that Art School of yours. Did they not teach you which way was up and which is down?

Del, no one needs teaching which way’s up and down?

That’s exactly what I thought, ‘til now.
But you just excelled yourself beyond my wildest nightmares, and proved me wrong as shoes on a snake!

Del, when you said up, I pushed the control stick, like this…. see? – Up!

That is down, Rodney. That is down.!
Gordon Bennet’s sister, why would that be up?

Because, Del – in case you hadn’t noticed – this is the top of the transmitter, so it faces up. So, when I’m moving the control stick towards the top of the transmitter, I’m pushing it up.
So, who’s got all their knickers in a Billa-Bong’s twist now?

All right, Rodney, all right but that is not the complete case. That ‘up’ is not the ‘aeronautical up’.
Gore blimey, you is just as dis-intellectual as your mother when it comes to techno-wizardry. You really are.

Our mother, Del. She was mother to the both of us.

Yes, Rodders – course she was. Course she was.
Just that, in matters like this – you inherited more than your fare share of her DNA.

Well, thank you, Del.
So, in this you admit, as you was wrong?

Aero-naughtily speaking, Rodney, my ‘up’ is correct – else there would be Seven Ninety-Sevens dropping out the skies faster than all them flies buzzing round a Billa-Gong’s hat.
But! – But bruv, let me say, I can see how someone – someone such as yourself – who has gone through more of an artistic rather than a scientific upbringing – like what I had, courtesy of that leg what fell off my bed and Mum having to prop it up all them years on that pile of old encyclopaedias – I can see how an artistic person, like yourself, would only think of the ‘obvious up’ – which is, of course, your common or garden ‘upwards up’ – what points upwards – for most of the time.
But, what you has to realise, Rodney – on the controls of an aeroplane transmitter, it ain’t like that.
All comes down to your Lipo powered, Hopping Giga Hertz – or somefing.
It’s all them Hi-tech Japanese electronics.

Ah! Now it’s all coming out, Del.
I bet these transmitters were them cheap ones you got – and why was they so cheap? Didn’t have anything to do with them being, let’s say, wired up wrong, did it Del?
So, up and down is swapped around.

That is patently not true, Rodney. These transmitters is perfect, precision instruments.
It is well known, in yer piloting circles, that your ‘upwards up’ is in fact ‘down’ – aero-naughtily speaking.
And vice-versa.
Now, when you’ve finally got that memorised in that Picasso filled Billa-Gong of yours, I just might let you have another go.
Here, hold this a minute and I’ll get the plane and put a new battery in.

So, Del, why didn’t you just tell me all that in the first place – ’cause, I mean, it is after all only your piloting elite, what’s gonna know that ‘stick down’ is in fact ‘aeronautical up’.

Yeah….
Yeah. Too right, Bruv.
Only us piloting types would know such a thing, like that.
Cushty, Bruv.
Cushty.
Right, pass me that other battery – that green one, there.
Now, Rodders. Let me show you what all the controls does.
‘Cause obviously – as you quite rightly say, Bruv – it’s only us piloting types, us are really qualified to be knowing such things…..

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